Human beings are curious creatures. We want to stand out, to be recognised  and at the same time, we want to do all of this in a "normal" way. I mean, we don't want to stand out for being horrific or so different that it will cause disgust. No, we want to be just different enough to remain the same as everyone else. The trouble is, the more we strive to be like everyone else, the more distant we risk becoming from our more genuine, authentic selves.  Then why do we do it? 

The number one reason is simply for fear of being disliked.  We engage in a copy and paste sort of mode as a means to impress others by mimicking behaviours, facial expressions and even language that we had previously observed and assimilated as being "likeable". We pick up early on in our childhood what sorts of behaviours will get praise and which will be frowned upon. We all have this inherent need for love and acceptance. In view of that, being disliked goes against everything our more innate instincts are telling us to do. 

The second reason is that most of us don't know what our authentic selves are. We may have a vague impression of who we are but honestly, much of who we are is a product of the lives we led, the emotions we suppressed, the feelings we embraced and, most of all, who we decided we were based on what we heard from others about ourselves. When it comes to self image, a lot of it is built through the mirror the others hold against us.

In the midst of this, if asked to answer honestly to the question of "who we are when there's nobody watching" most would not even know where to begin. Proof of this is the way in which people seem to share the most minute details of their lives on social media as if things only became real once others see it. Sartre talked about this in detail in his theory of intersubjectity where he explains the inner workings of our relationship with others and with the world itself as necessary for our existence. We are therefore forever mingled in this dialectics between who we are for ourselves and who we are for others. In practical terms, it all becomes very blurred and we end up with a hazy notion of our genuine selves. 

The third reason is that we are limited by the constricted ideas of good and evil prevalent in most cultures, be it in the form of religion, morality or social norms. We live in society and have learned to attach judgment to certain feelings and emotions. For instance, we learn that not sharing toys will mean you are selfish and that's a bad thing. Or we might, conversely, learn that helping others is a virtue and it will mean you will go to heaven because that's where good people go. The problem with this is that neither of us are entirely good or bad, we are all just people. 

There are so many nuances between good and evil that it makes little to no sense to judge our own feelings that way. And yet we do it all the time. We end up, through the constraints of our own culture, trapped in a game of incessant repression of our deepest desires and emotions. That is not to say that we should not educate people to respect the norms of the society we live in. Education is a fundamental tool not only during our upbringing but throughout our lives. Knowing the laws we live under and differentiating between right or wrong is key to a stable and fulfilling life but judging our feelings as positive or negative can be impairing. Emotions are not morally bound. What we do about  emotions on the other hand, can be. Actions can be punishable. Emotions alone cannot. 

The combination of those three general aspects that I just described, make it very difficult for us to find ourselves and start acting in authenticity. One could easily ask , why bother? Why not just keep on pretending and living the game? Well, that's what most people do and it is also the reason why many suffer from anxiety, depression and many other health problems. The desires and feelings that we repress end up surfacing one way or another. If they can't be communicated, they might show up in the form of disease, bursts of anger etc. 

The first step into resolving some of those issues, is precisely by acknowledging that we are all flawed and imperfect.  There is no such thing as normal. The moment we liberate ourselves from the chains of normality, we can finally start the journey towards ourselves. Towards who we are, who we want to be.